In 2023 I decided to delve even deeper into my inner healing journey and invited God into ALL areas of my life by asking Him to reveal the areas where I did not trust Him.
Trust?
This journey really started in late 2022 when I offered to review a new release “The Challenge to Trust on the Path to Peace” by Cindy Janecka and Cindy kindly sent me a physical copy of her book along with 2 extra copies that I gifted to friends. I skimmed through the book and completed a couple of the devotions in order to complete the review in a timely manner but as I read through I sensed that I would need to delve deeper and decided that 2023 would be my year of learning, and in particular learning to trust God more. Now although I’ve been a Christian since I was 13 years old, I’ve had quite a few crises of faith which have left me with questions, doubts, and disappointment. Cindy explains that lack of trust = lack of peace, which really struck my heart. I have been pressing in for peace for some time now and I see that where I lack trust in God there is no peace. I decided to pray and invite God into ALL areas of my life and I asked Him to reveal the areas where I did not trust Him.
A few days later, as my husband and I drove up north, I had time to think and process some more. I began to see that there was some trepidation when it came to surrendering to God about the future, and I think it related to the season I’ve been in. The past 8+ years have been a really hard season, a season that hasn’t turned out like I thought, hoped or prayed for. My initial sickness (in 2014) was one of my crises of faith moments and although early on in the journey I made a decision to trust God, it has been hard. Actually to be honest I don’t think I fully trusted Him, thus my lack of trust = a lack of peace. As that truth hit my heart, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me to fully surrender, make amends, and completely trust/rely upon God. As I prayed a verse comes to mind and I continued to pray:
Lord, I thank You for the assurance that I am in Your thoughts.
And I praise You for the Truth that You know the plans for my future,
they are plans for peace and well-being, not for disaster.
You Call me to a faith-filled future and a certain hope.
Lord, I apologise for not fully trusting You.
I thank You that I can call upon You, draw closer and pray to You,
knowing that You will hear me and listen attentively to all that I have to say.
Holy Spirit, I ask You to do a great work in me,
plant a deep longing within my spirit that continually draws me closer and closer to You.
Lord, I thank You that when I search for You with all my heart,
when I desire You as a vital necessity, that I WILL find You! Thank You.
(Inspired by Jeremiah 29:11-13 AMP)
Absolute trust
I asked myself this question: what would absolute trust of God look like?
- Firstly, I believe that trusting God will bring about a peace about the past. Issues that I have been wrestling with, and some for decades, will be completely dealt with. This will mean that there will be NO more wondering “what if”, no unresolved resentment left bubbling in my heart, and no more bitterness or disappointment shrouding my spirit.
- Secondly, by trusting God I will have peace about where I am right now. I’ll be content, and at rest, there will be no more striving or struggling. I’ll be able to simply embrace the season that I am in.
- Thirdly, I sense that trusting God will bring me peace about the future. A blessed assurance that God knows the good plans; absolute and best strategies; the right way forward; and of course the perfect timing for things to unfold. AND by trusting Him I will be in a place for Him to direct and guide me each and every step of the way. I understand now that this (walking in good health and chasing after the God-dreams) will take obedience and discipline, I need to walk IN step with Him – not lag behind or rush ahead.
Peace about the past
As I mentioned there are Issues that I have been wrestling with for decades, things in my past that I don’t understand and I realise that trusting God sometimes involves the hard things never being explained here on this earth, that’s tough. But I also sense a prompting to release my need for answers and simply trust that God works ALL things together for His good (Romans 8:28). As I sit with that thought I spend some time seeking God’s forgiveness for not trusting Him fully, for my disobedience, my resentment, and my anger towards Him. My prayer:
Lord, I want to learn how to truly respect You,
to tremble in holy awe over Who You are.
Lord, I desire to learn how to respect and revere Your name,
the name which no other name can possibly compare with.
Lord, I want to learn how to trust You,
to completely and utterly rely upon You.
(Inspired by Isaiah 50:10)
Peace about where I am
As I mentioned in the past I have tended to rush ahead and then as my plans fall apart I have been left wondering why it has all gone wrong, feeling exhausted and defeated. Well Day 18 Cindy spoke about her struggle with weariness and as she cried out to God, she heard Him reply “……I have been carrying you and fighting this battle for you all along. I have just been waiting for you to fully release it and trust Me with it, so you can rest.” As I read her words, I saw a formula unfold: FULLY release & trust = REST. I have been contemplating for some time what it is to be content with where I am, no longer hoping or wishing for more and I see once again that it comes down to release and embrace. I need to release the worry about my health to God, FULLY release it and acknowledge that He has bought me this far so He is indeed carrying me and fighting this battle for me. I need to trust that He will bring this restoration to completion at just the right moment and I can REST in the assurance that He has worked, is working and will continue to work. I see that I also need to fully embrace today/this moment/the gift of the present and stop wishing it away because as the beautiful hymn reminds us, “..this is the day … that the Lord has made… we WILL rejoice and be glad in it…”. I am trying to get into the habit of thanking God for each day, declaring that it is another wonderful day that He has made so I WILL rejoice and be glad in it, I’m trying to always find something to be glad about. Today I am thankful for God’s patience and unending love, and I’m grateful for how He patiently and lovingly reminds me of His glorious Truths. I am thankful for God’s kindness in showing me time after time that there is NO need to rush or race ahead. Although ‘here’ is not where I imagined my life to be, it is where I am close to God so ‘here’ is good. I am realising that ‘here’ is not my place of confinement but rather my place of contentment.
Peace about the future
As I reflect on 2023 there are so many thing I am grateful for, but in particular I am thankful for how much restoration has taken place. This is the year I have seen huge progress in my restoration and there is an excitement in my heart for what is to come. My mind buzzes with anticipation over what is to unfold. My spirit stands in wait for the promise of great to unfold. My soul hums with eager anticipation over what more God will do. As I look towards today and tomorrow, I pray:
I place myself into Your tender and loving care, O Lord.
I know that I can confidently place my trust in You and Your greatness,
for You alone are my God!
My life, my every moment, my hopes, my dreams,
my desires, my destiny, it is ALL in Your loving hands, O Lord.
I know that You alone have saved me,
and You alone can rescue and deliver me
from any who pursue and threaten to persecute me,
for You alone are my God!
My future is secure, my future is assured
both here on earth and in heaven,
thank You O Lord!
(Inspired by Psalm 31:14-15)
What about you?
Has something wonderful happened for you in 2023? Is there something that you are buzzing with excitement about for 2024? I’d love to hear from you.
Many blessings,
Keona
