I had a hard conversation with my youngest the other day about being honest. He’d done something at school and gotten in trouble. I already knew most of the story from the teacher, but I wanted him to tell me what happened.
Oh, he didn’t want to. But then no one enjoys confessing our faults and shortcomings. It’s hard. It’s humiliating. You squirm and feel hot and uncomfortable. You’d much rather pretend it didn’t happen or let someone else make the confession. But it’s important to be honest, to admit to your faults.
So, I sat with him, hugged him, let him know I still loved him, but that he needed to tell me what happened. That honesty and confession are important life skills to learn.
And it’s a sight easier to be the parent. Not much fun when God comes knocking on your door to do the same.
One of the hardest things about being an author is when God asks you to be honest in your writing. And He asked that of me in my romance novelette, Hearts Unknown.
I had an idea for a fun romance story. I even had a way to tell it without confessing my faults, but God wouldn’t let me rest. He kept pressing me to be honest, vulnerable. My characters would lack authenticity if I pretended.
So, here we go.
Hearts Unknown is based off the real event in 1763 when a lifeguard turned street preacher decided the world was going to end on February 28th.
Why didn’t I want to write about an end of the world prediction?
Because the subject always made me uncomfortable. I knew it shouldn’t. I knew what I was ‘supposed’ to believe, but my faith was weak. I’d rather write the ‘correct’ answers and focus on the fun of a couple falling in love than the inner grappling of my own heart. But that’s what God asked of me. I fought Him for a time, then I gave in and said, “Fine, but You know I don’t know the answers!”
The wonderful part about God is that He’s okay with our questions. He is big enough to shoulder them. He just asks us to believe His answers.
Well, what if you don’t believe the answers? How do I fix that, God?
And still God said, “Be honest.”
So, I started giving my childhood-friends-to-more couple in Hearts Unknown all my own insecurities and a few others besides. And I guess it’s time to start being honest.
- I often don’t rejoice in His Second Coming because I like my life here too much.
- I can struggle to believe He is coming again because it’s been like two thousand years already!
- It makes me uncomfortable when people say that He is coming soon, because they’ve been saying it my whole life. I feel like we’re frauds when He doesn’t come.
- I get scared when I think about Him coming again because, ‘What on earth have I done with my life worth presenting to God?’
All the confessions just kept pouring out onto the page. It was a mess, but God can handle our messes. He gives us the Bible, He gives us people to help, and He’s there to hold us together when we feel like we’re falling apart.
That’s not to say it was easy!
It took me a month and a half to work out my mess into a fictional romance story with lots of help from my editor, my boss (who is a Bible college principal), and my retired missionary parents.
Yes, I worried they’d all judge me. How do you think I feel about confessing this to you?
Part of the problem was because I wanted to talk about something else, but God was clear right from the start that my focus needed to be ‘have faith.’
Ugh, nice of You to let me know the end, God, but how do I get my character to that point?
Well, He got me there, and He taught me so much. Humility included, because someone did said, “People may struggle to believe a Christian would have a problem with Christ’s second coming. You should just make him a nonbeliever.”
Um, ouch. Hey, guess what? I’m a Christian who struggles with it!
Yeah, it’s not easy to be honest. It’s not easy to confess our faults. And sometimes, people do judge (because they are human after all).
But then maybe you haven’t been hiding your secret problem with the Second Coming of Christ. Maybe there is another matter of faith that you fear admitting in case someone looks at you and says, “How can you possibly have a problem with this? Everyone gets it. It’s so easy!”
I want to encourage you.
Be honest. Yes, it hurts. It’s embarrassing. It’s a lot of hard work and intense inner searching and prayer, but it’s worth it.
So, now, that I’ve confessed. Let me tell you about Hearts Unknown, a work of my heart as much as a labour of love.
Hearts Unknown by Dienece Darling
A historical romance novelette
When the heart longs for what it cannot have, toes aren’t safe in the ballroom.
Edith Howard has long mourned the loss of Clarence. He was more than the boy next door. He was her dearest friend until he left without word or warning. But when Clarence makes a surprise return the London season of 1763, the gentleman standing before her bears little resemblance to the boy she used to know. What happened to Clarence, and why is he back?
A chance encounter might be just the ticket Clarence needs to convince Edith he always has been and always will be hers. If only she wasn’t listening to those dangerous street preachers. Clarence doesn’t know how to save the lady he loves from believing the world will end on February 28th. Or, for that matter, how to show her all that’s in his heart.
What will it take for Edith to see the man Clarence is today? And dare she let him back into her life when she doesn’t know what drove him away the first time?
You can read Narelle’s Review of Hearts Unknown here.
Thank you for reading this author’s confession.
Oh what a lovely post Dienece! Thank you for your honesty.
I thought of Psalm 51:6 where it says God “desires truth in the inward parts” (there are varied beautiful translations of this verse).
I believe when we’re honest with God, with ourselves and each other, that it helps others to find their way. I suffered from thanatophobia for most of my life which is described in its simplest form as “death anxiety” or a “fear of death”. But it’s not actually that – it’s a much deeper and complex condition that incorporates many sub-fears – is there an afterlife, what if there’s no afterlife, is God real, what is the meaning of life, what if I get it wrong, what if death is the end and I don’t exist anymore, what if I come back … etc etc It can be overwhelming and debilitating and can affect a person’s whole life.
While I believe it’s good to share one’s fears, it isn’t always the right moment. I shared in a home group one time (just to let people know I was struggling) and a lovely Christian woman proceeded to assure me of God’s salvation etc. , assuming my problem was a crisis of faith. I actually felt belittled. I’d been a Christian a long time and had no doubt about my salvation. She didn’t know anything about thanatophobia and I obviously hadn’t described it very well. (Just to be clear – I know I am saved by grace and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross.)
When I prayed deeply and earnestly about this, telling God I didn’t want to be afraid anymore and begging Him to take it away – guess what? He didn’t. But He did say very clearly to me, “I’ve got you, dear one”. So I know I’m in His hand. But I still suffer. Why?
I think the answer to that is in what He’s asked me to do. I know I’m meant to write for a mainstream audience because that’s where my passion lies – to bring hope to the hopeless/hurting/fearful. I guess that’s why death keeps coming up in my stories! :o) And characters who are placed in situations where they have to think about death, and God and the meaning of life.
If I had not had to grapple with these things so deeply myself, would I be able to write about them so truthfully? Maybe not. So there’s a bit of my story. I figure if you’re being honest Dienece, I can too … 😉
And well done for using what you yourself struggle with to share your wisdom in story form. That is such a gift!
Thank you, Suzie, for sharing. I really appreciate it.
It can be so hard to share and know when to share. A negative response can really shake us when we thought we’d gotten a handle on something and finally found our feet. That comment I mentioned about the person who questioned if a Christian would really struggle with the second coming did throw me for a few days back into an old fear that I’m not saved (just when I’d thought I’d put that one to rest once and for all!). Thankfully, that only lasted a little while and I remembered all the Scriptures that are my defence, so I recovered and moved on.
I’m learning that the devil can take every opportunity to shoot those fiery darts at us, especially when we are relaxed and thought we were in a safe place. He’ll find an old sore, one we thought over and done with. But our God, oh our God can use even through fiery darts for our good and the good of those around us. I’m so glad He can.
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing.
Two beautiful and encouraging stories. Thank you both. Let’s not leap in to “solve” others’ “problems” but love each other as we are. Let’s humbly consider that if the “answer” were so easy, they’d have found it long ago!
Thank you, Julia. For your encouragement, your wisdom, and for showing us love!