On the 9th of December 2022, it marked 2,287 days since God declared healing over me. I spent some time reflecting on the previous day……
It had started out wonderfully I had a dream where I sensed God’s presence so strongly and I was greatly encouraged, but by the afternoon I was in a state of despair. I had decided to switch pelvic physios as I wanted a fresh perspective on things as felt I had hit a bit of a plateau. I anticipated that there would be more work to do but after my first assessment, as I drove home with a long list of issues, I did not realise that there was SO much work to be done. Many of my issues dated back decades ago that had never been properly addressed. I had driven home in a state of shock, my emotions in turmoil but I simply couldn’t process them. I felt shattered and sore from the little bit of work that the pelvic physio had done to try and release some muscles. As the afternoon dragged on the pain and disappointment grew. Around 4 pm I decided that a bath was an absolute necessity and as I soaked, I had a little cry. After tea I had an early night and was sound asleep by 8:30 pm.
Emotional
But on the 9th, I awoke at 2:30 am with my hip ‘screaming in pain’, I got up, massaged some dencorub cream on and made myself a cup of tea in case I needed to take some meds. I spent time reading through Scripture and prayed before returning to bed where I read and got some more sleep. I awoke around 8 am, had a shower and after I felt exhausted, defeated, discouraged, overwhelmed and (so many emotions) ….. I listened to worship music and as “LION” played I began to feel the emotions bubble up, the next song was “Same God” and as I tried to sing along, I sobbed and sobbed. I prayed out the words: “Oh my God, my God, I need You now. How I need to now” through my sobs. The songs were hard to sing but I sensed that they also ministered to me.
After breakfast my husband and I grabbed a few groceries and as I walked around the shops, I felt overwhelmed and useless, it was such a struggle to be there and I couldn’t even carry the basket because of my hip pain. Thankfully he was brilliant and helped get me through. When I got home, I rested in bed and a little while later my hubby got me lunch in bed before I had a nap. After my day of rest I felt so much better and felt inspired to embrace this season with gratitude and grace.
grace and gratitude
I began to think about how grateful I am that my body has given me 2 beautiful children and carried me this far through life. I know that there is still some way to go before this recovery is complete but that’s where grace comes into it, grace to be gentle and kind to my body, grace to wait patiently as I plod along in the healing, grace to rest when needed, grace, grace, grace and gratitude.
Although at first I felt great frustration and disappointment over the fact that isses had not been addressed for decades I decided to apply gratitude because I’m thankful for those who have helped me along the way, those who have bought me this far, and I’m grateful, so incredibly grateful, for those I have now who are assisting me to get this final stage done, helping me to persevere when the going is tough. And also when it comes to those that I feel have let me down I know that I need to extend grace and I’m asking God to help me extend to them grace AND forgiveness.
As I prepared for sleep (on the 9th) I felt so thankful for another day, another day that has bought me closer to my complete healing, another day where I was able to enjoy this beautiful life God has graciously gifted to me.
Sunrise prayer
On the 10th of December, I was awoken by the birds chirping and I got up to join them. During my sunrise prayer session I spent some time listening to the songs from yesterday and as “Same God” played a prayer of praise and faith arose:
Rock of Ages, I’m standing on Your great faithfulness!
I believe that You WILL fulfil that which You have promised to me.
And I’ll worship You while I wait.
Yes, my Faithful Father, I trust You.
Rock of Ages, I’m standing on Your great faithfulness!
I believe that You WILL bring to pass the things You’ve Called me to do.
And I pray that I honour You today, tomorrow, and forevermore.
Yes, my blessed Redeemer I place my hope in You!
Rock of Ages, I’m standing on Your great faithfulness!
I believe that You WILL transform me from glory to glory, each and every moment.
And I’ll praise and adore You each step of the way.
Yes, my great Helper, Companion, and Friend I completely rely upon You!
Scripture
I then turned to my Bible in search for some encouragement and was led to Hebrews 10, as I read another prayer spilled forth:
I seize the Hope that resides within me,
for I know that God always keeps His promises.
I hold on tightly to His assurance, without wavering,
for God is reliable and trustworthy.
Hallelujah!
(Inspired by Hebrews 10:23)
Today as we embrace a brand new year what are you still waiting to see unfold in your own life? I pray that you’re encouraged to apply grace and gratitude to your own situation. I also pray that you feel God’s great Hope helping you each and EVERY step of the way.
Happy New Year! Many blessings,
Keona
