Devotional | Who am I Promoting?

Who am I Promoting by Jenny Glazebrook

I had a book launch on Wednesday 14^th August. It was for the final book in a series and the culmination of a dream I’d had for almost 30 years. It was also my 15^th published book.

I posted my celebration on Facebook, feeling the joy, the contentment and focusing on all the positives. I included my beautiful book covers and all the best photos I had of the event.  I finished with this statement:

“My encouragement to everyone is to never give up your dreams. Just be ready for detours and hold your plan of approach lightly. I believe that like me, you’ll find that God’s plan is so much greater, so much richer and more fulfilling than you ever dreamed”.

A lot of people responded with comments like ‘Congratulations’ or ‘Well done’.

And then one person’s response stopped me in my tracks. They shared their discouragement that all their dreams for life had been shattered. They were clinging to hope but didn’t have much faith despite being a believer.

And it made me realise that when we share only one side of our lives, all the ‘good’ things, we can actually discourage people in their faith.

It brought to mind 2 Corinthians 12:9  “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

In ignoring the struggles, I was taking away from the testimony of Christ’s strength. I was promoting me, not Him. The light was on my achievements, not His strength.

I realised that sharing our joy without sharing the struggles can be discouraging and create a lop-sided view of what our lives are really like.

So, not for pity but to encourage those who may have wondered why God allows some to seemingly have their dreams come true and not others, I wrote a second post three days afterward.  This is what it said:

I was so tempted just to share the photo of our cat Molly to show you how I feel today, but felt challenged to be real and also post the non-glamourous, real photo of how I am today.

This is the other side of my celebration:

As I presented the workshop on Wednesday, my sugar levels began to drop and I was heading toward a hypo. I am a type 1 diabetic and have been since I was 8 years old. It’s a constant struggle. In the days before the launch I had to arrange my insulin site changes and sensor site changes to be at my best for the day.

Dismay hit me as my mind became foggy part way through the presentation and I grabbed a bottle of lemonade in a water bottle to hide what I was doing. I kept talking but had to turn off the alarm on my pump and adjust the insulin as I took sips of lemonade. I read from my notes beneath the Powerpoint on my computer for those 15 minutes until my mind was clear again.

As a friend pointed out to me, I could have told people what was happening but there’s something in us that likes to pretend everything is okay, isn’t there?

Amazingly, my voice kept going through the whole event. This is a miracle because as of two years ago I have a neuromuscular auto-immune condition called myasthenia gravis that impacts all my muscles. As I fatigue, it can impact not just strength in my legs and arms but also concentration, memory, breathing, swallowing, vision and speech.

By the end of the book launch part of the event I needed to lean against things to hold myself up. Probably, no one noticed. I’ve learned to hide it well. But those who know me well have learned to pick it up. If you look at my photo today, one of my eyes is currently drooping and my smile is lopsided and has what is called the ‘myasthenia snarl’ because my muscles won’t produce a proper smile. This is what happens as I fatigue.

The day after the launch, two of my children were unwell and I needed to take them to the Dr. The effort was huge as I was crashing from the day before.

Our family has multiple medical conditions and sometimes I feel as though we live in medical waiting rooms. The day was a write-off for me which is why I didn’t share on social media about the launch. I needed to sleep for hours and even my clothes felt too heavy for my weak muscles and nerves which weren’t receiving enough messages from my brain to function properly.

My husband Rob did everything that needed doing around the house, as he often does.

The following morning one of my daughters who recently had major bone graft surgery from her hip to her mouth had an infection in her mouth and bone poking through where it shouldn’t. There were no doctor appointments available so we went up to the hospital. I struggled to sit on the waiting room chairs because my legs are short and I needed muscles to hold me up. So for two hours I sat, stood, leaned my head against the wall, sat on a lower coffee table (probably not meant for sitting on) and prayed for strength.

My daughter was placed on antibiotics but is probably facing another surgery as the graft doesn’t appear to have taken on one side. (Like me, she was born with a cleft lip and palate requiring multiple surgeries).

It’s hard. Every day is a struggle. I’d love to be healed. To have ‘normal’ strength and health. However, I see how these struggles draw me closer to the heart of God and remind me that without Him I can do nothing. I have to depend on Him for every single thing I do. And doing everything with Him is so much more fulfilling.

A beautiful lady once began to pray for healing for me, then stopped. She said, “I’m sorry Jenny, I was about to pray for healing, but I felt God asked me to instead pray for grace for every moment for you.” And she did.

Grace for every moment. This is what gets me through. Life is tough. We all have our different battles to face. But whatever happens to my mind, my body, my circumstances, my soul is safe because as Colossians 3:3 says, I am ‘Hidden with Christ in God’. The safest place to be.

This earth life is hard. But there is also joy when we see the hand of God and are drawn closer to His heart. Depending on His strength for everything is not a bad thing if it helps us know our Creator in a much more real, personal way and helps us focus on eternity rather than all we are going through right now.

Having 15 books published and being able to present a writing workshop on Wednesday is a miracle and was God’s gift to me. I am so grateful.

I know God loves me and has His best in mind for me. Jesus loved me so much He gave His life for me. There is no greater love than that.

And so yes, I live life to the full. Not easy. But so, so rich and fulfilling.

I’m sorry if my one-sided celebration discouraged anybody. This is the real, full picture. Sadness, joy, struggles, and through it all, Jesus walking beside me giving strength for whatever may come.

Love to you all.”

This is my full story. The complete picture. Jesus is the hero of my story. He is the One who carries me through. It’s not about our achievements, but about Him and the fact that He calls us to walk with Him by His grace.  That is true fulfilment. True purpose. And the ultimate dream of the believer. 

It’s too easy to pretend in this world. I’m guilty of it. Of falling into the game of showing myself to be impressive, successful, admired. Of shining a light on myself. As an author sometimes I feel pressured to do it – that that’s what I need to do to sell books. But what does that do? Sometimes it causes others to feel inadequate. To compare their own lives and feel they’re not up to scratch. And that is in direct opposition to the reason I write in the first place.

We all need Jesus. My prayer is that we will always promote Jesus and point others to His light. That we will show His strength and grace for every moment. Yes, that includes joy and achievements, but only through Him. In everything we go through, He is our life, our strength, our joy.