Devotional | No Fear!

In my previous devotional “Two Truths” I mentioned how I had some really intense chest pains and then 2 days later I had heart palpitations, my heart was racing and it felt like it was booming out of my chest. I also noticed that my heart would boom, boom, boom and then take a pause. I didn’t think that was normal so I made an appointment with my GP. Which turned into hours in the emergency department, but after monitoring and testing I was discharged and sent home to rest and follow up with a cardiologist. What followed was weeks of tests and waiting.

Perfect Peace

In the midst of the testing I was deeply troubled about my heart and before I went to sleep I tried to surrender that anxiety to God. That night I had a dream that I was with a group and during a boating trip our boat sank. We made it safely to shore and all had a bit of a debrief about it, but then a few days later I was chatting with a lady and she said that she was still anxious. I said, “well let’s chat about that..” and after we chatted for a while I encouraged her with this statement: “we are urged to not be anxious or afraid for Jesus promised to give us His perfect peace!” I awoke and documented my dream. I felt that it was a message from God to me, Him assuring me to not be anxious. I turned to some verses and created this prayer:

Let my heart be neither troubled nor afraid, may I NEVER surrender to fear, for I believe in God so I can hold onto my faith in Jesus by relying on and trusting in Him to see me through ALL of my troubles. May I surrender ALL anxiety and stop worrying about things, rather in every circumstance and situation I am to pray and present my faith-filled requests to God. Let overflowing gratitude pour out of my heart to Him as I surrender ALL of my troubles and concerns so that His wonderful peace can fill my heart. How wonderful it is to know that Jesus’ peace stands guard over me. I cry out for Jesus’ perfect peace to flood my entire being just as He promised to send it, let it be so, to calm my troubled heart and grant me courage and strength for every challenge set before me. Inspired by John 14:1 AMP & TPT; Philippians 4:6-7 AMP & TPT; John 14:27 AMP & TPT

Challenge

A few weeks later I was really challenged to hold onto those truths. I don’t know if you have had a CT but let me describe it for you. you go into a room with a huge machine in it, hop up onto a narrow hard bed that then slides into a narrow tube and noisily whirrs around you taking pictures of various items (in my case it was my heart, chest cavity and arteries). Now if you are claustrophobic even just a little bit then I suggest you close your eyes and imagine you are somewhere else. Which is what I tried to do but then the technician spoke to me and I opened my eyes as I was in the depths of this narrow tunnel, all I saw was a wall pressing in on me. To say I panicked was an understatement. I had a REAL surge of “I NEED to get out now” feeling and I didn’t think I was going to be able to stay in there. I took some deep breaths and prayed and asked Jesus to send His promised peace and the intensity settled to a point that I could stay in there long enough for them to get what they needed. My heart palpitations, where my heart does normal beats, then an extra extra-long beat and a pause, made it really tricky for them to get the images but they said they got what they could.

Reflection

A few days later in bed I reflected on the ordeal of the CT and I turned to Psalm 56 as I read, I prayed:

When I’m afraid I know I can lay ALL my fears before the Lord and trust in Him with ALL my heart. For the Lord alone knows my heart, the worries and the love that it carries. I can pray to Him during this battle, ask to know Him more, and trust Him for my healing. So let roaring praise for God fill ALL of my heart, for I trust in His promises and His faithful love for me! I can hold onto the Truth that God is by my side therefore I don’t need to be afraid of what’s to come. May my heart continually overflow with praise to my King for His promises are sure, I can always trust in Him. Lord, I want to thank You with ALL of my heart, let every beat of my heart glorify Jesus’ name. May my heart overflow with gratitude for ALL that You have done, ALL that You are doing right now and for ALL that You will do. Hallelujah! Amen! Inspired by Psalm 56 verses 3, 4b, 11 & 12.

Good news

After all my tests my follow up with the cardiologist revealed that I have absolutely NO build up in my arteries so no risk of heart disease or of having a heart attack. I do have a hiatal hernia which is where the upper part of the stomach bulges through the diaphragm, the large muscle that separates the abdomen and the chest cavity. When this first happens many people say it feels like a heart attack which explains why I had that intense pain and then ongoing pain. It also explains my heartburn, occasional regurgitation and shortness of breath. I can help manage and hopefully fix this by having smaller meals and get back to trying to lose weight. I read that in some cases the hiatal hernia could cause the heart palpitations. The cardiologist said the palpitations could be hormonal, part of my menopause journey, or just a blip that will hopefully eventually go away. I’m taking some medication (beta blockers) that do seem to help by reducing my symptoms.

Heart check

As I surrendered to the process of finding out medically what was going on with my heart, I combined that with a spiritual journey of surrendering my heart to God to find out what was deeply troubling it. I hope that the lessons I have learned about peace continue to radiate deeper and deeper into my core eradicating that old nemesis fear once and for all!

How are you going? Are there things weighing heavy on your heart?

I’d love to hear from you.

Many blessings,

Keona