I’ve been learning a lot about myself lately and what I’ve found is that when I write in alignment with my true self, I get scared.
If this doesn’t sound familiar you may want to stop reading and go on with your day.
If this does sound familiar, then maybe we can try and work through this together.
As Christian writers, we reflect our beliefs and values in relation to Christ in our lives. In relation to what we’ve learnt over the years from reading the Bible, from listening to sermons, from reading. From our lived experience.
We develop our sense of self and identity in relationship with Jesus and the world around us. We find ourselves in our family, in our relationships with friends and significant others and it’s all reflected in our writing.
When we don’t see issues as black and white, when we admit we have thoughts that are counter-cultural to the communities we belong to, when we’re brutally honest, it’s scary.
When we examine ourselves and see areas where we have doubts and questions and even a sense of rebellion, and we write about it, it’s scary stuff.
A few years ago, I wrote a post called Scary Writing and shared my discomfort about writing about sexuality and faith. I felt I had to write how I honestly felt and believed at the time.
It’s scary to be so vulnerable and write something you feel God has called you to write. People may question what you’ve written, or even question your faith. That’s scary.
But, the amazing thing is that writing scared can push you to be more vulnerable and to show your heart in ways you never thought you could.
Being authentic and true and obedient and scared is a posture I think God approves of. If we’re scared then we know we need God’s help. If we’re scared, that’s where faith and trust come out to play.
In Sarah Bessey’s book, A Rhythm of Prayer Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes contributed a prayer entitled, A Prayer of a Weary Black Woman. It opened with ‘Dear God, help me to hate white people.’
Shocking! Anger inspiring! Hateful!
Yet, the poem ends like so many Psalms of lament. Dr. Walker-Barnes prays,
‘But I will trust in you Lord. You have kept my love and my hope steadfast even when they have trampled on it.’
In the end, Walker-Barnes invites us to repentance and reconciliation. Though the prayer begins with hatred, she ends with a call to love.
It is a faithful, honest lament, modelled on the Psalms.
I often hear people praising the Psalms for their emotional honesty, however, this writer has received much hatred and criticism.
I don’t think I could even begin to write a prayer that asks God to help me hate anyone! But have I felt like I wanted to hate someone or something? Absolutely!
My heart is sinful and broken and just as corrupt as anyone’s. Thankfully, I can come to repentance and accept grace and forgiveness. I can go on because I am changed and changing by the work of Jesus in my life.
As Christian writers, we are called to be honest, vulnerable, true to our beliefs and values, and most of all, to be faithful to the calling in our life. What is our calling?
My calling is to write for people on the fringes of faith–people who perhaps used to go to church or may be spiritually searching. I write stories that show that faith isn’t black and white. That faith is something robust and challenging and worth working out.
Because I don’t present black and white views on issues, the risk is that my stories may be seen as too liberal for some and too conservative for others.
Being labelled too conservative by one end of the opinion spectrum or too liberal at the other is a risk I’m willing to take.
That’s where I sit. Does it make me any less scared to write in this way? No? Does it stop me? No, it may make me really careful or get feedback before publishing, but it doesn’t stop me.
If I can’t write like I mean it, then I won’t write at all.
How do you feel about writing scared? Do you feel there’s a message burning within that you know God is calling you to write?
There’s space for a variety of perspectives in our community. There’s even space for ambiguity on some issues. There are fundamentals that we all agree on, but if we’re going to write something fresh, something that God needs us to write, then we’re going to have to write scared.
We’re going to have to write like we mean it.
Great encouragement. Thanks Elaine for sharing honestly. I felt like I was taking a step (leap) into greater vulnerability with my new historical, but have been gratefully surprised at how well people have responded to it. I think daring to be open and real can be scary for us, but can prove liberating and so, so encouraging for others.
Thank you, Carolyn. Congratulations on your new book. 🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’m so glad your step (leap) of faith has been well-received by your readers.
Many blessings as you continue in your writing journey. 😊
Thank you for your honesty and revelation. I’m going to give it a go – writing honestly using the Psalm format in my journaling & see what comes & monitor my feelings and future writing. Thank you.
Thank you, Jane. A journal is a great place to allow our feelings to be raw and real in paper.
What we share with others is definitely edited, even if it’s vulnerable and real. It’s great to have a place to experiment and explore our feelings and ideas.
I’m sure the Psalms were selected from a much longer list of writings!
So glad you shared your thoughts on writing scared, Elaine. 💗
Writing and speaking about church wounding, is a subject many find too hard, too messy, too taboo, too scary! However, the more open and honest I am in my writing about this subject and the more I seek God for His wisdom in how to write from a posture of healing and wholeness, the more God can work in other peoples lives. If there is one thing I’ve learned about God is that He is never afraid of a good lament!
Wendy 🙂
Absolutely, Wendy! God is never afraid of a good lament!
Good on you for tackling such a difficult issue in a way that others can relate to, and engage with, in a healthy way. You’re doing great work. 👏👏👏👏❤️
I wonder if any of the Bible writers were scared as they wrote. I imagine so. The prophets were likely to be persecuted for what they wrote under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Even John, as he tried to plumb the depths of Jesus’ self-giving love must have been scared to tread such holy ground.
Jesus was revolutionary in His time-even today His words challenge.
I’m sure the writers of the Bible would often have been countercultural as well. Writing truth is scary.
Thanks for joining the conversation, Julia.
Thanks for that, Elaine. It’s sometimes hard to write what we feel God’s leading us to write, especially in an age of ‘political correctness’ when people are happy to attack anyone with a different opinion. There are fundamentals of the faith (e.g. Jesus rose from the dead), but there are some grey areas. I’ve had some robust conversations with Christian friends about politics where each person was sure they had God’s view on the matter. Is there are a right answer? I think we need to stay true to what we feel God is saying to each of us and pray for God’s discernment. Some issues are complicated and need more than ‘throwing a scripture’ at an issue. Good on you for following your calling and tackling some of those murky issues.
Thank you, Nola. I agree with you that there are fundamentals we can all agree on. Perhaps we need to allow people the grace to hear God’s voice in their own life for other issues.
Politics is an interesting area of debate in Christian circles for sure. Writing about issues is a minefield.
Perhaps listening more than speaking is a posture we should all cultivate–only speaking when we have conviction, knowledge, and a prompting from God to do so. Speaking up takes courage but so does listening at times. xx
Oooh, yes. Listening rather than speaking when it comes to politics is a very wise move. I am sure I have preserved some valuable friendships by doing so! I would have gained nothing and benefitted no-one by airing my own views. My brothers and sisters are more precious to me than is making my own point.
Friendships are worth preserving for sure.
There are times lines are drawn but arguing for argument’s sake seems a waste of time. 😊