Raised in a Christian home, I followed my deceitful heart into a gay lifestyle. Glamorous and fun initially, I later realized it was a fantasy world void of peace. Cowering in fear of reality, I became addicted to a laundry list of vices. Friends committed suicide and overdosed. The Lord reminded me of scripture I had learned as a child and called me to repentance. He forgave and delivered me from the lifestyle (not the temptation) in 2010. Given peace and new life, the rocks would cry out if I didn’t praise! (Luke 19:40)
In Christ, temptation does not define me. Acting on it is sin, but there is a way out (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). Praise the Lord!
Ten years later, that testimony was published as my first book, Straight: an ExGay Prodigal Story.
Called to witness, fear could no longer hold me back. The Lord led to customized fear-breaking, faith-building missions, a focus of my second book, Straight 2: ExGay Adventures in Christ.
When my corporate career required that I support the LGBT agenda, my resignation letter read, “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back.” Praise the Lord! On the way to begin serving full-time in Cambodia, I was blessed with an extended layover in Australia. What better place to break fears?!
Among top debilitating fears were:
- Deep ocean water
- A promised wife
- Heights.
In Brisbane, the Lord led me to skydive…
Excerpt, Straight 2: ExGay Adventures in Christ:
If I was afraid while waiting and suiting up, it was marginal. This is the same guy who used to sweat bullets at the thought of riding the smallest rollercoaster in a given amusement park. But I know that if the Lord leads to do something, He will provide the necessary strength.
After reaching the designated altitude, I quoted the following Scripture for comfort and peace:
‘There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear…’ 1 John 4:18
‘The Lord has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.’ 2 Timothy 1:7
Instructor, fastened to my back, reviewed arm position. He assured me that I did not have to do anything but fall. When I started to feel like I couldn’t do it, I quoted Scripture again… A-N-D… 1, 2, 3… He pushed me out of the plane! We were airborne! Hey, this isn’t as bad as I thought!
Praise the Lord!
Jumping out of that plane and plummeting to earth was tough, but it was nothing compared to sitting up in the airplane… seconds ticking… imagining what it would be like to jump! In parallel, being with my future wife would be far from perfect and seamless, but it would be nothing compared to the anxiety I put myself through anticipating it!
On a short-term mission to Cambodia several years prior, I ate baked tarantulas and other insects on rice. Both for fun and to “earn the right to be heard” toward evangelism and discipleship, it was sort of like, “When in Rome…” Just before, I prayed, “Help me, Lord!” and focused off what was happening. Strategy for completing this mission was analogous to that endeavor.
“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6
The Lord has led to do many things that are generally considered to be brave or masculine. Seeing myself do them (in His power) has been at times difficult to process.
Through the realization that “I did it (in His power)!” He seems to change my perception of self, build confidence and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
Eventually the initial shock, ‘Wait a minute! Who’s that?? That’s not me… Is it?’ gives way to acceptance, ‘Yes, it is me. Ok… hmm… I can do that too… just like other guys. Ok, then I am no less than any other man.’
At church back in Cairns, I shared testimony when given the opportunity and deeper testimony at a church fellowship after the service. Believers encouraged, one of which still follows our ministry.
Spiritual Tip: Churches struggle with homosexuality. Many are afraid to stand on the Word of God. Sharing what Christ has done for us and what the Bible says about homosexuality can be more helpful than we realize. Step up, ex-gay brother!
Most importantly, I was blessed to pray with an aboriginal man in Cairns. Using gestures, I shared the basic gospel message. Not able to read English, he took a New Testament Bible. A woman translated and shared with me. He said he could feel the power when he touched it. I suggested that he attend church. Hopefully he has.
Australia is tough to beat for mind-blowing adventures. But the warm and friendly Aussie people are the best part about visiting the Land Down Under!
We all struggle with fears, and I am certainly not a finished work. What holds you back from witnessing for Christ?
About Straight 2: ExGay Adventures in Christ
Rolling out across four continents, Straight 2: ExGay Adventures in Christ is a collection of missional adventures and misadventures. In his past life, the exgay prodigal cowered back. After leaving behind a filthy gay lifestyle to discover new identity in Christ, Matt is thrown headlong into a trial-by-fire restoration. The Lord uses fear-breaking, faith-building missions to make a man of His servant. Some painful and embarrassing, these are long-delayed, coming-of-age stories!
Click here to watch the book trailer.
Click here to find Straight 2 on Amazon.
Click here to find Straight: an ExGay Prodigal Story on Amazon
Great post Matthew – thanks! The world needs the hope that your story gives. It’s a great encouragement for me personally as I pray for my family and friends. God bless you.
Praise the Lord! It’s a spiritual war. For relatives and loved ones struggling, we recommend going to war in prayer and fasting. When the Lord opens the door to speak, don’t be afraid to speak difficult truth (John 8:32) – what the Bible really says.
“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor 6:9-11).”
Wow! Thank you for your vulnerability, honesty and bravery in this inspiring post, Matthew.
God is so good and His best work is restoring prodigals so they can share their powerful testimonies that bring hope and healing to others.
Wendy
Praise the Lord! Amen! There are many of us out there… often being silenced by today’s cancel culture. We must fight through the resistance like soldiers for the Lord (2 Tim 2:4; Gal 1:10). Thank you for your encouragement, friend!