When Mother’s Day is not Happy

In recent years I have become acutely aware that the Mother’s Day I celebrated as a child and my early years of mothering—breakfast in bed, flowers and home-made cards with hand drawn love hearts—was not a total representation of how all mothers spend this day.

Situations close to my own heart have arisen in the last twelve years where I have seen relationship breakdown to the point that there is estrangement between mother and child, grandmother and grandchildren. This closer observation of pain, regret and broken hope has made me open my eyes to other situations that are likely to bring pain on Mother’s Day.

Pain on Mother’s Day when there has been separation by the tyranny of distance, and a mother or grandmother has lost the opportunity to be part of their children’s life.

 But perhaps the worst pain is experienced by those mothers who know their children live nearby, but have been barred access through misunderstanding, hurt, resentment, bitterness.

I am sad to say that I know a number of women who are in this place of estrangement, sometimes they have been at fault, other times, there is nothing they could have done to prevent the breakdown of relationship.

It was from this place of understanding that I joined fellow authors, Paula Vince, Rose Dee and Amanda Deed in writing a collaborative novel—The Greenfield Legacy. Right from the moment Paula suggested the venture, it became obvious that this would be a deeply emotional story about women—mothers and daughters.

I took the character of Mattie, an older woman who had lost both her daughters. Her first daughter she was forced to give up for adoption when the father of the baby was killed in Vietnam before they’d had an opportunity to wed.

She lost the second daughter to bitterness. Unable to cope with the loss of her boyfriend and first daughter, when Mattie eventually married, she was an emotional iceberg, closed to all relationships as a form of self-preservation. It could be said that she sabotaged her marriage through her emotional distance. When her husband eventually left, her second daughter went with him, angry and hurt at her mother’s coldness.

Forty years later, Mattie is alone when her first daughter sends a letter, asking to meet her.

Mattie has learned a lot in her years alone, and tentatively accepts the invitation, only to find out her first daughter is dying of cancer.

Amanda Deed took the character of Connie, Mattie’s second daughter. Some may read Connie’s part in the story and think it is unrealistic. No one could be that bitter and determined to never acknowledge her mother. Sadly, I know this story to be true in several real-life situations.

Amanda took this character, and perhaps she had the hardest job of all, shaping a character who readers would find difficult to embrace. But she did an excellent job, and the novel told an emotional story of how three women, a mother and two daughters, negotiated the pain, the anger, the distrust and the fear to come to a point of reconciliation.

Paula Vince wrote the character of Connie’s daughter, Brooke—Mattie’s granddaughter, and Rose Dee wrote the character of Navy—the granddaughter Mattie never knew she had.

As we come to Mother’s Day this coming weekend, be mindful of the women around you. Perhaps they have only known joy in motherhood, so celebrate that joy. But perhaps you may see a woman or several women who have endured some kind of pain. I think the flowers are still appropriate, and the love hearts. Perhaps they do not come from their child, but they come from a heart who cares.

I encourage you to read The Greenfield Legacy. Though you will cry on a number of occasions, you will also enjoy scenes of reconciliation and healing, and there is some romance for Mattie’s two granddaughters.

The Greenfield Legacy is available as a paperback from Rhiza Connect

Or you can order through Koorong

It is also available as an eBook from Koorong or Amazon