Devotional | Irritably Impatient, a devotion by Keona J Tann

As I write this it has been 1,765 days since my Call, it’s been 1,765 days of waiting, 1,765 days looking for things to change, 1,765 days of hoping that the right doors would open, 1,765 days praying that the opportunities would come AND that I could embrace them, that I would be well enough, strong enough, wise enough……to embrace every single opportunity that I sense is calling to me.

Issue

I began to see that there was an issue that God was wanting to deal with – impatience because I have been irritably impatient (to be honest it’s been 1,765 days of me acting just like an impatient toddler). Dictionary.com defines impatient as “not patient; not accepting delay, opposition, pain, etc., with calm or patience. Indicating lack of patience. Restless in desire or expectation; eagerly desirous.” Some synonyms are: anxious, irritable, restless, testy, antsy, demanding and impetuous. As I delved deep into the impatient definition, I could see how over the past 1,765 days I’d been all of those and so much more and I am SO grateful I have such a patient, kind, gracious and loving heavenly Father!

Scripture

Throughout this whole restoration and inner healing journey I have discovered that when God wants to deal with an issue He also wants to teach me something. 2 Timothy 3 (verses 16-17) declares that all Scripture is God-breathed, it has been given by divine inspiration, and it is profitable for instruction, for conviction of sin, for correction of error, it is useful in bringing about restoration, it shows us how to be obedient for it teaches us how to live in conformity to God’s will. Scripture is useful both publicly and privately to show us how to behave honourably, with personal integrity and moral courage, so that we may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work. So I turn to Scripture and find many instructions urging me to be patient, here are the three that stood out to me:

1. “….wait eagerly for it with patience and composure.” Romans 8:25b (AMP)
   Merriam-Webster dictionary explains that composure “implies the controlling of emotional or mental agitation by an effort of will or as a matter of habit.” And I see here that I have a decision to make – I need to control the way that I respond to situations, approach ALL situations through prayer. In every circumstance and situation I’m not to fret or worry, I’m NO longer to be anxious or worried because through prayer, petition, gratitude and thanksgiving I’m to make my specific requests known to God. I’m to pour out my cares and concerns, present EVERY thing to Him, lay it ALL at His feet, every detail of my life. I’m to live my life saturated in prayer – awake each day thanking the Lord for the opportunities before me and close each day thanking Him for guiding me through each moment. I see now that I’m to invite Christ Jesus to displace worry in my life and allow Him to reside as the centre of my life for then the peace of God, which is a wonderful and perfect peace, will reassure my heart, transcend all human understanding and stand guard over my heart and mind. (Philippians 4:6-7)
2. “So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper];” Colossians 3:12 (AMP) This verse is a wonderful reminder of the characteristics that I’m to develop in my life and the word that I focus on is humility. KJV Dictionary has many meanings for humility but this one strikes my heart: “submission to the divine will”. So many times I’ve prayed and declared: “Lord let Your will be done”, but I see that when I am impatient it shows that I’m actually not trusting, not relying, not submitting myself to God’s divine will. I see that I need to surrender (again) my expectations and pray for God’s divine will to be done in and through my life. I’m to keep seeking and following His good and perfect plans for my life.
3. “Be still before the LORD; wait patiently for Him and entrust yourself to Him” Psalm 37:7a (AMP) Trusting God has been hard many times in my life and it was a huge struggle for me early on in my illness. Then in June 2019 I began to get a revelation into Psalm 23 I began to see God as the faithful Shepherd, the One who so lovingly and tenderly cares for me. My Psalm 23 insight led me to write a novella and as I wrote I imagined myself being like a lost sheep who desperately needed the Shepherd to come and rescue me. I imagined how lonely and afraid I would feel and then how elated and relived I would be when the Shepherd found me. As I reflect on that I’m reminded about how Jesus has come through for me time after time and so I’m prompted once again to surrender my life to the Lord. I see that just like a lost lamb easily falls prey to attacks without the Shepherd I wouldn’t be where I am today without Jesus. Psalm 37 has also reminded me to not only surrender my life to the Lord but to entrust myself to His care, trust that He knows the dreams and desires in my heart and will see them come to pass at the right time. The flock of sheep are completely and utterly reliant upon the Shepherd, they rely upon Him for every detail of their lives and I’m to be just like – I’m to entrust every single detail of my life into God’s faithful hands.

Prayer

My findings have cut deep at my heart, I pray:

Lord I am SO sorry for yet again racing ahead of You, sorry for getting off-track yet again, I see how much more I have to learn. I want to be mature in order to be ready to fulfill the Call upon my life. Holy Spirit I ask You to burn away ALL traces of impatience, irritability and restlessness. I desire to let go COMPLETELY of my demanding and impetuous ways. I surrender every anxious thought to You. Grant me patience to wait well, to bear trials and persecutions patiently, holding onto the hope of future deliverance.

Cleanse me Lord so I am holy, set apart, sanctified for Your purpose. Grow within me a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Fill me with the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes with good temper and a good attitude. I endeavour to be still before You Lord, to rest in You, to be silent, no longer murmuring or complaining. I wait patiently for You, I am content to await Your appointed time. I know that the breakthrough will happen at just the right time, the perfect time. I entrust myself to Your tender and loving care.

Holy Spirit fasten upon my heart as a seal of fire forevermore. May Your living, consuming flame burn away ALL impurities and then seal up my heart with holiness. Make me Your prisoner of Love. With Your passionate fiery Love burning bright in my heart I am invincible when facing danger and death, for Jesus has broken the chains of death that once bound me, and He has defeated the grave. Hallelujah!!!

Passion laughs in the face of terror because many waters cannot quench God’s great Love, nor can the floods drown it, even rivers of pain and persecution will never be able to extinguish my burning heart for God. Holy Spirit I cry out for EVERYTHING to be consumed, may I hold back NOTHING, may I yield completely until it doesn’t even feel like a sacrifice anymore. (Song of Songs 8:6-7)

Thank You for hearing my prayer. I lay my life before You and ask Your will to be done, in Jesus’ mighty and beautiful name I pray. Amen!

What about you?

Is there something that you’re waiting to see unfold in your life?

If so I hope that you’ve found encouragement within, I’d love to hear from you.

Many blessings,

Keona

Notes:

Country Living lists 20 verses relating to patience.

My prayer includes references to the verses mentioned (Romans 8:25b, Colossians 3:12 and Psalm 37:7a)