“Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him.” Jeremiah 17:7
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon at the end of October, and the garden was calling my name. I grabbed my gardening gloves, pulled on a hat and plastered on sunscreen. It was time to set to work mulching a section of garden that bordered our driveway. As I worked my way along, I noticed that the next-door neighbour’s Bull Terrier had again dug a hole the size of a large fist, under our fence, (sigh) but I decided to press on with my project. Moments later things took a horrible turn.
I was spreading some mulch near said hole, when, without warning, the dog’s snout shot through the opening and grabbed hold of my finger, dragging it along with half my hand onto the other side of the fence. I won’t traumatise you with the gory details, but suffice to say, surgery for two broken bones and a shredded tendon in my finger left me feeling very sorry for myself. Seven weeks later I had the pins keeping my bones together, removed – Happy Christmas to me! And now I’ve begun hand therapy.
What have I learned?
• Australia has a wonderful public health system (as long as you’re patient)
• I’m not always patient, but I am thankful
• Opioids are wonderful! (don’t worry, I’m off them now)
• Prayer is powerful (wait, I already knew that) but it is… really
• Tears are a healing balm
• I don’t like being in the passenger seat
The last point has been the hardest to accept. I like driving… I mean I really like driving. My kids used to say that if I wasn’t a teacher I would have been a rally car driver. When I was sixteen my big brother taught me to drive; he knew what defensive driving was before it was a thing, so I learnt from the best. Going through the gears, (yes, it was a manual) best use of the clutch for a hill start, changing lanes, (aka weaving in and out of city traffic), anticipating other driver’s moves – it was all exciting to me, and the adrenalin boost made it addictive, until my bank balance suffered from the numerous speeding fines I accrued.
Decades later, I’m a reformed speed-a-holic, but my love for driving has never waned, so when the surgeon said, “don’t drive for at least three months”, it was a big blow.
My husband is a wonderful man, patient to a fault, and exceedingly kind, but these qualities have been tested as he has endured nine weeks (and counting) of me ‘telling’ him how to drive. He’s been driving longer than me and in nearly 45 years of marriage he has a total of one bingle and one speeding fine. We won’t discuss my record, except to say that it became obvious early on that Jesus was relegated to the back seat.
What’s my problem? Pride? …maybe… but in this time of forced self-reflection, God has revealed something deeper that lay at the root of my current behaviour.
Trust
As a result of the dog attack, my body went into ‘flight’ mode because that’s how God made us. It’s natural, right? I could protect myself, and feel safe camped inside my little cocoon, but months later it’s clear I’ve overstayed my camping permit. I have allowed the pain of what happened in the recent past, to dictate what may happen in the future.
Where was my confidence placed? In me – that’s a misplaced confidence.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5
Where was Jesus?
He was right there with me.
Bad things happen to people all the time, and followers of Christ are not exempt from pain or hardship, but Jesus will not force himself on us.
What are my choices?
I can choose to set up my sleeping bag and pillow and stay camped forever in my tent of fear, or I can risk trusting God with my future, whatever that looks like. My hand therapist said this is a severe injury and I may never fully recover the use of my finger. That was hard to hear, but what does God say?
“I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
God helps us to trust. And when we forget, even for a moment, he is right there, walking alongside us, offering his hand, cheering us on so we can be secure in the knowledge that if Jesus is at the wheel, we can trust the outcome, whatever that may be.
Thank you for your encouragement and challenge, especially the part about relegating Jesus to the backseat and being patient. I cut the tendon in my pinkie years ago. It was not so traumatic as yours, but I did get the use back. I hope yours will heal as well, and if not, that you’ll trust that Him with that too.